Saturday, June 28, 2014

I am speechless. And utterly stunned at the sheer amount of powerful words of encouragement, offers of support, and of course rallying cries to bust through the glass ceiling of odds. In fact I am stupefied. Each and every response was profoundly needed, desperately welcomed, and in the same breath a tiny bit heartbreaking as it likewise confirmed I am indeed in the same spot as before. My soul has been touched deeply by every single one of you, individually, and beyond anything you could even imagine. I am honored. Truly. Thank you All for touching my heart.

I will be admitted into UW Medical Center Seattle on July 7th. First priority is to beat the leukemia back into remission before we can consider any next steps. There are 2 chemo options on the table. One is an intense but standard protocol. The other is a similar & equally intense clinical trial. The length of stay in hospital will largely depend to how well I will fare and the degree of full time post-chemo caregiving needed at home. I may be admitted for an entire month. Instead of me sending out updates while likely feeling very much like ChemoCrap - and as we found necessary 7 years ago - we will be reviving my old Transplant web-page in an attempt to communicate on a regular basis & to keep everyone in the loop. Please simply Google "KristinaSouthard.org" or use the link below:

            http://kristinasouthard.blogspot.com/

For those of you onboard from last time you know how it works. For those who are new on this journey, most transplant patients have a Transplant webpage/journal for communication and to post blood levels. Daily blood counts are so very crucial to us. They measure our tiny successes. Although this round of chemo is not quite a "transplant" yet the webpage will have helpful links, daily postings of my progress, blood counts, and a calendar where volunteers can sign-up to lend helping hands. Even though much of this relapse is so unknown and dependent on my resiliency, we know I will need some help. We just don't know exactly for what yet....nor when. Fear not, we will put the call out when we know. Neva has volunteered to be the web-master this go around and will likewise be able to translate medical jargon into understandable layman's terms. We are also gathering names & numbers of those who have already offered their support. My fear is with everything I must manage & arrange at the moment it is so very very difficult for me to get back to each & every one of you personally. There simply aren't enough hours in a day. I have soooo very much to do. Continue to call & e-mail. But please forgive me..... Just know you are in my heart.

And lastly....if you're in Seattle, please swing by the hospital and perhaps save my sanity ? Snake charmers, dirty martinis, Burning Man fire shows & rowdy ozzie pub tunes all welcome.

I praise you, and thank you.

To Life !
Kristina   xo  

Friday, June 27, 2014

I Don't Know Where to Start

....truly. 

Nor do I really know what this all means....

Yesterday afternoon I was diagnosed with MDS/Leukemia...again. How Ironic, this being on the heels of the Leukemia Cup Regatta only 2 wks ago. And after 7 years of being cancer free. I am in utter disbelief. Simply numb. And just plain devastated. I just returned from North Africa only a few weeks ago. I just hiked 6+ miles up to Snow Lake in the Cascade Mountains (4000 ft) on Sunday. I simply don't understand how this can happen. I don't understand how this can happen yet again.  It's just not fair.

There are too many of you spread out across the country...and too many of you out around the world. Admittedly this is a rather crappy way to include you in the loop but there just isn't enough time to call everyone individually right now & explain. This is all rather sudden... I'm so sorry for this rather crude mode of communication but I love too dang many of you to not let you know. So.... just like last time, email is the best option. Except this time I'm sending it myself.

I know you have questions. No fear, I too have endless ones myself. I have a new Oncologist who is putting all the options on the table and we are discussing the imminent next steps. Part of the plan: I will be admitted into UW Medical Center here in Seattle for an intensive round of inpatient-Chemo. If you can think of anything I may overlook - perhaps due to my brain being numbed, please speak up ! ! !

Please also bare with me as I wrap my mind, and my heart around all this.... 


Love Kristina -